I discovered my co-author Tracey Hansen the old-fashioned way – on Twitter. Her writing is laugh out loud funny but also speaks of universal truths in a way that only great humorists can do. This section never ceases to make me laugh no matter how many times I read it! – Tess Hardwick
“What would you want said about you on your 80th birthday?” by Tracey M. Hansen
I have purchased an additional 80 years through NASA’s life-expansion program and will outlive all of you. But on the off chance one of you squeaks by the 160-year mark, just remember when I die that my body is to be turned over to the scientists I keep
up housed in my basement. They have instructions to store my severed head
in a freezer until a time when it can be thawed and reattached to the body of a
primate. Also, when I am long gone, there is a small disk in my safe-deposit
box at the bank that should be turned over to the CIA. At that time, it would
be wise for some of you to take on alternative identities, because I may or may
not have implicated you in several high-profile, um, shall we say,
Although I was not able to make it today, I do have several spies in your midst. So, let me just say that my party had better be more elaborate than a cheese tray and a box of wine. If this is the case, my spies will be handing out red slips that detail your disinheritance. (Although there may not be much to inherit considering I just purchased a hovercraft and spent millions having it bedazzled with pink Swarovski crystals.) If your gift to me on this momentous occasion consists of any sort of gift card, you will be led out by security to an undisclosed location where you will be forced to watch circa 2009 reruns of Saturday Night Live — otherwise known as the dark age of television.
I hope all of you who have given me wonderful gifts have a wonderful time at my party. I don’t know when I will see you all again, but I will have my secretary forward my schedule so that you will know where I am and what fabulous things I am doing. I will leave you with this final thought: After 80 years of living with a childish enthusiasm for life, I regret absolutely nothing. (Except the great absinthe incident of 2020, which you can read all about on my Wikipedia page.)
Word to your mother.
About Write for the Fight
Authors Tess Hardwick and Tracey Hansen, inspired by the myriad voices in the world, compile a melting pot of life paths from over a dozen unique individuals, each exploring the four timeless questions we’ve all pondered:
· What do you miss about being 5 years old?
· What would you tell your 20-year-old self?
· What, at this point in your life, do you want, wish and dream of for your life going forward?
· What would you want said about you on your 80th birthday?
These experiences make us who we are, defining our personalities, perspectives and dreams as we move through the seasons of life – from memories at age 5 to the person we hope to be described as on our 80th birthday.
About Tess Hardwick
Tess Hardwick is a novelist, playwright, reader, mommy, wife, daughter, sister and friend — the order of which depends on the day. Her first novel, Riversong, was published by Booktrope in April 2011, became the Bestselling Nook Book in October and has been in the Amazon Top 100 Kindle list for the past 25 days.
Like her main character in Riversong, Tess is from a small town in Southern Oregon but now lives in western Washington with her husband, two daughters, and puppy. She is currently working on her second and third novels and blogging at www.tesshardwick.com. All of which is possible because of her husband, Dave Hardwick, giver of dreams.