I have purchased
an additional 80 years through NASA’s life-expansion program and will outlive
all of you. But on the off chance one of you squeaks by the 160-year mark, just
remember when I die that my body is to be turned over to the scientists I keep locked
up housed in my basement. They have instructions to store my severed head
in a freezer until a time when it can be thawed and reattached to the body of a
primate. Also, when I am long gone, there is a small disk in my safe-deposit
box at the bank that should be turned over to the CIA. At that time, it would
be wise for some of you to take on alternative identities, because I may or may
not have implicated you in several high-profile, um, shall we say,
incidents.
Although I was
not able to make it today, I do have several spies in your midst. So, let me
just say that my party had better be more elaborate than a cheese tray and
a box of wine. If this is the case, my spies will be handing out red slips that
detail your disinheritance. (Although there may not be much to inherit
considering I just purchased a hovercraft and spent millions having it
bedazzled with pink Swarovski crystals.) If your gift to me on this momentous
occasion consists of any sort of gift card, you will be led out by security to
an undisclosed location where you will be forced to watch circa 2009 reruns of
Saturday Night Live — otherwise known as the dark age of television.
I hope all of
you who have given me wonderful gifts have a wonderful time at my party. I
don’t know when I will see you all again, but I will have my secretary forward
my schedule so that you will know where I am and what fabulous things I am
doing. I will leave you with this final thought: After 80 years of living with
a childish enthusiasm for life, I regret absolutely nothing. (Except the great
absinthe incident of 2020, which you can read all about on my Wikipedia
page.)
Word to your
mother.
About Write
for the Fight
Authors Tess
Hardwick and Tracey Hansen, inspired by the myriad voices in the world, compile
a melting pot of life paths from over a dozen unique individuals, each
exploring the four timeless questions we’ve all pondered:
· What would you
tell your 20-year-old self?
· What, at this
point in your life, do you want, wish and dream of for your life going forward?
· What would you
want said about you on your 80th birthday?
These
experiences make us who we are, defining our personalities, perspectives and
dreams as we move through the seasons of life – from memories at age 5 to the
person we hope to be described as on our 80th birthday.
About Tess Hardwick
Tess Hardwick is
a novelist, playwright, reader, mommy, wife, daughter, sister and friend — the
order of which depends on the day. Her first novel, Riversong, was published by
Booktrope in April 2011, became the Bestselling Nook Book in October and has
been in the Amazon Top 100 Kindle list for the past 25 days.
Like her main
character in Riversong, Tess is from a small town in Southern Oregon but now
lives in western Washington with her husband, two daughters, and puppy. She is
currently working on her second and third novels and blogging at
www.tesshardwick.com. All of which is possible because of her husband, Dave
Hardwick, giver of dreams.
What wonderful fun! Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful essay with your readers!
ReplyDeleteTess, your life sounds much like mine, only about 30 years ago!
MaryAnn - once again you've introduced me to some delightful reading. I'll definitely be addling some "Kindling" to my Kindle Fire!
I wish you the best.
Paula
Gosh I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply. Tess is a fabulous author. I highly recommend her book, Riversong. I will let her know that you liked her essay. All the best.
DeleteMaryAnn